#38 (hell)

You say Go to hell
I reply I have been
The devil didn't like what I said.
You say What could you
have possibly said
that was worse than the devil has read?
I reply I told him he
could stay on if he liked.
To my right hand, he'd always cling.
For though he was the prince of hell
oh darling, I was the king.

*Evyn

#37 (camouflage)

tiny hands clutched
the camouflage sleeve
a uniform headed to war
gone for twenty months
then fin'lly returned
home to depart nevermore
men file through the
airport quite calm
until one tiny girl
calls out, MOM!

*Evyn

#36 (ecstasy)

most people describe it as floating freely
but for someone who cannot stop the trembling of their mind or hands
it was a heavy blanket of safety.
it was not being pulled into the light
but being sat with in the darkness
of the griefs of the past.
it was not simply being adored
but being fought for
day after day
relentlessly chosen.


*Evyn

#35 (rain)

It's pouring down rain outside.
I type poems on a laptop with crumbs in the keys
Hoping to find sense of the world in my own words
which is stupid because it doesn't work but
I try anyway.
I want to go stand outside in the rain
in a white nightgown
          arms spread wide or
                                           staring at the ground

       I can't decide.

The sky is sad and so am I
and I can't cry so maybe
I'll let it cry for me
tears on my face from heavenly eyes
do angels cry?
do demons?

did the devil shed a tear when he fell from heaven's seat?
would I?

It's still raining outside. Still raining inside. I set out a bucket to catch the drips.

*Evyn

#34 (Fear)

He slinks down my back like a cube of ice
And ruffles my hair like the northern wind.
He holds my hand and laces his fingers through mine
Instead of getting steadier, my hands shake.
I pull my coat tighter around me and cross my arms
But he still holds me.
His embrace oscillates tenderly
But he's always there.

*Evyn

#33 (coffin)

coffins are heavy

but the smaller they are

the more they cut into shoulders.

coffins are lowered

but the farther they go

the closer they are to our hearts.

coffins are covered

but the less you can see

the more the image is burned in your mind.

coffins are final

but the more they seem dead

the more you are very much alive.

*Evyn

#32 (sanity)

I'm slowly descending into sanity
tired all the time
I can tell because I
turn away when someone looks my way
and slip on headphones to avoid conversations
with strangers and friends alike
music is my companion
journaling my past time
homework goes unfinished
and the stars are my sun
blades are pencils and I
can't look away or stop
food is every other day
smiles are plastic
you can't save me so don't
try to pull me out of this
the only thing to do is wait for
the stars to disappear and the
sun to rise again.

*Evyn

#31 (dandelion)

Growing through the cracks in the pavement
struggling against odds to rise
but as reaching victory like a bird the sky
blossoming into purpose as created
dreams float away uncatchable.

*Evyn

#30 (eyes)

They ask me to remember the color of your eyes
I can't.
But I remember the way you looked at me the last time
As raindrops fell from my eyes though yours were the ones like sky....
I remember they were blue.

They ask me to remember the way you smiled
I can't.
But I remember the words you said on our last day
You told me I lit your life like a crescent moon...
I remember how you smiled.

They ask me to remember your body
I can't.
But I remember the way you held me in your arms
When we were dancing in the starlight of a cloudy sky...
I remember you were always there.

They ask me to remember your goodbye
I can't.
But I remember the way your fingers fell away from mine
As you turned and walked away for the last time...
I remember your goodbye.

*Evyn

#29 (the fish)

I try to talk it out

But you don't want to listen.
I wait

For a sign that you care.

Nothing

for days on end.

I write a letter but you do not read it.

My solution is pedals on a bicycle

you are the handlebars and refuse to steer...

my chance at hope is futile.

the fish
has learned to fly.

*Evyn

#28 (just one more)

when I was little
I'd ask my mom for one more bedtime story
just one more hug
one more cookie
one more song on the piano
and she'd smile
and sometimes comply.
I think it was my love of "just one more"
that kept me here
when everything seemed pointless
and I wanted to quit but
just one more song
one more conversation
one more poem to write
friend to hug
dog to pet.
anything that keeps you here
is important.
anything that is worth staying for
is the best thing
in life.

*Evyn

#27 (sleep)

It's a big pill to swallow
But with enough tears
You'll have enough water
To drain all your fears.
It's gray and it's dark
And most are afraid
To be tucked in bed
And laid in their grave.
But don't worry darling,
The ghosts will be near
And if you call out
They will always appear.
They'll listen closely
Your secrets they'll keep
And when you are tired
They'll sing you to sleep.

*Evyn